A Tribute to My Friend, Amy

Today's post is in honor of my sweet friend, Amy, who was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. Amy, we love you and are so happy that your first round of chemo worked its magic! You are beautifully strong, extremely intelligent, amazing person---so full of love and of life!

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and noticed she had 3 hairs on her head."Well,"she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today!"So she did ...and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had on 2 hairs on her head."Hmm," she said."I think I'll part my hair down the middle today."So she did...and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up and noticed that that she had only 1 hair on her head."Well," she said, "today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did ...and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up and noticed that there was not one single hair on her head."YEA!," she exclaimed."I dont have to fix my hair today!" They say that attitude is everything.Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass...it is about learning how to dance in the rain.

Another FUNNY Ava Observation

Mike is going to hate me for sharing this, but it is just too funny not to write down. Last night, Mike was reading to Ava before bed. I was next door in Maya's room getting ready to read with her as well. All of the sudden, I hear Ava ask Mike, "Daddy, do you have a baby in your tummy?" To which he replies, "No, Ava, Daddies don't have babies, only mommies have babies." So, Ava continues, "Then WHAT is IN there?!?!"

Ava's Observations

Sometimes the cutest things come out of a 3 year old's mouth. The other day, I picked up her friend, Sam, on the way to preschool. They were chatting in the back, as 3 year olds do, about...ghosts. Ava was explaining to Sam that ghosts don't brush their teeth because they don't have hands to brush their teeth with...and they probably don't have teeth, either. So these are the thoughts going through her head when she looks at me pensively while sucking her two fingers.....

It was 46 degrees today. Heat wave! Things were melting, and it was raining. When I picked up Ava from preschool and was putting her in the car seat, she was looking at the windshield and asked, "Mommy, why are there polka dots on the window??" How poetic! Gotta love that kind of imagery....

Then there was the time last month, when I was putting together a photo montage for our 10th wedding anniversary, when she saw a picture of Mike and I on our wedding day. She immediately GASPED as if she was discovering a pot of gold, "MOMMY! LOOK! You are a princess, and Daddy is your prince!!"

Our American Girl

Maya got a "Just Like You" American Girl doll from my parents for her 7th birthday. She has been wanting one for awhile now, and with the recent opening of the American Girl store at the Mall of America, it seemed like the right time. She absolutely loves this doll. The first morning after she got it, she "made" her doll breakfast (pancakes with butter, out of construction paper...see picture.) They have had numerous tea parties together, and she treats her like a true, real friend.

Last weekend, Maya had been exceptionally good, so we thought we might venture out to the Mall of America and check out the store. We told her that she could pick something out in the store that was $10 or less. She could find nothing. She thought her doll could really use a pair of boots to get her through the Minnesota winter....but the cheapest ones she could find were $14 (the same price I paid for Ava's REAL winter boots at Target!) She thought she could get her doll's hair done....but all she could get for $10 was a ribbon in her hair...that wouldn't do. She was frustrated. I didn't blame her. But we had a chat, and she decided that she would save her money up for a couple of months and come back and get her doll's hair done in the style that she wanted.
So, we came home and devised a chart to keep track of how she would earn her money each day. She has five requirements each day, and each one is worth 10 cents, so she can earn a total of 50 cents a day. This is similar to other charts that we have done in the past to help her earn allowance, with a little variation to keep things interesting. She has calculated that if she fulfills her requirements each day, she will be able to take her doll to the store by the end of February. She has made it almost an entire week now, and she has earned 40-50 cents each day. She is quite focused! She is learning, once again, though, how much harder it is to earn money than to spend it. When we added up her chart tonight, she let out a sigh and explained matter-of-factly, "Mommy, you don't have to teach me the value of a dollar anymore! I already know....it's almost NOTHING!"

Maya's Girl Scout Promise

True Happiness

This month, our book club is reading What Happy People Know by Dan Baker. So, I've been thinking a lot about happiness lately. Not just my own, but of society in general.

My Great Aunt Sadie died recently. She was 96. A lot of changes have occurred between her generation and mine. I think of all of the things that have been added to most (if not all) American homes since she was a child on the farm (one of twelve children, I might add): indoor plumbing, a washing machine, a television, a phone, an automobile, a microwave, a computer. These are all things we have long since taken for granted. Life is much more convenient now, but are we happier and more fulfilled because of it? I don't think so...and neither does Professor Kelly Lambert, PhD, who conducted research that suggests that the hands-on effort and completion of physical tasks that were once required to provide life's necessities (referred to as "effort-based rewards") are actually key components of happiness. In a recent study, Lambert tracked two groups of rats: The first had to dig through piles of cage bedding to find their food, simulating the gathering of a harvest. The "trust fund" rats of the second group were simply given their food--no work necessary. The working rats came out of the experiment healthier, showing higher levels of persistence and boldness than their coddled counterparts--characteristics that are vital to overcoming difficulties in life. The trust fund rats, meanwhile, became fat and depressed. Completing any kind of manual task--whether it's cooking a meal or shoveling a sidewalk--triggers the efforts-driven-rewards circuit in human minds, too. Working together, this network of key motor, emotional and rewards centers plays an important role in creating a sense of happiness and well-being over time.

I won't dismiss the many benefits of technology, but it is good to remember that it does not change the ways our bodies and souls are wired.

(Pictured above, during the summer of 2006, are Aunt Sadie, Maya, me, Ava, and Grandma Baker--who, by the way, refused to ever use a microwave because she thought it greatly diminished the quality of the food...and just didn't want to change the way she cooked, God Bless her!)

A Day In My Life - 11/3/08

Another activity my friend Jodi encouraged her blog readers to do is document their day in pictures. We were running early this morning so, on the way to the bus stop, I thought it would be fun to grab the camera and give it a shot (pun intended.) I told Maya what I was going to do, and she thought it was a great idea (had she thought otherwise, she would not have cooperated, and this would not have turned out so well.) She asked me, "Is this your own creative idea, Mommy, or did someone tell you to do it?" How did she know to ask that?

So, click here to see a play-by-play of a day in my life as the mother of two young girls on Monday, November 3, 2008.

Maybe not 11.5 years, but how about 7 more days?

Well, it appears Someone read my last entry, because this last week we have been blessed with phenomenal weather here at the North Pole of the United States. It has been sunny and in the 60s. Maya didn't even have to wear a jacket over her Ariel costume to go Trick-or-Treating. We have been having record breaking heat, with tomorrow's anticipated high at 72 glorious degrees. Knowing we won't be seeing this again for another six months, we are savoring every moment. Mike took the kids outside today so I could finish up a project that began over the summer: painting the risers on the steps. It took me the better part of the afternoon to get both sets of stairs done, but they turned out great! Here are the before and after pictures:

Here it comes....ready or not!!!!

Winter, that is. A week ago today, I enjoyed a leisurely drive down Vine Hill Road and Minnetonka Blvd. The sight of the leaves was breathtaking. Yesterday, the only thing taking my breath away was the wind--which blew all of those beautiful leaves right off of the trees and into Wisconsin!

Now, I have to tell you, last year was my first winter in 12 years. It was novel and fun...for the first 3 months. Our kids had never experienced snow or cold weather or sledding. Sliding down the many hills in our area, we felt like kids again ourselves. But that was last year and, like I said before, it had been 12 years since I had done that. Now, a mere 6 months later, we are gearing up for another one, and I am not ready....I need another 11.5 years!

Fall has been great, though, and since I haven't really updated this blog since it began, here are some of the highlights from the last month:

• Going to Minnetonka Orchards for a beautiful day with the family
• Celebrating Ava's 3rd birthday with family and friends
• Playing in the leaves with the girls
• Going to Iowa City to see my beloved parents and their beloved Hawkeyes; reminiscing with my college roommate over dinner and drinks in our old "stomping grounds"
• Taking a ride on the Excelsior Ghost Trolley with the family
• Packing kosher meals for needy Jewish families with Maya thanks to Project Elijah

I'm also currently reading (more like "muddling through") Middlesex for my book club, planning a unit on Jewish Short Stories and Poetry for 7th, 8th, and 9th graders, and taking a Spanish class....all secondary to being a wife and mother, full-time. So, now you know why I can't keep up with this blog!

5 Things Meme

I was "tagged" by my friend and fellow blogger Jodi to participate in "5 Things Meme." What is "Meme" I haven't a clue...something people who "blog" a lot and follow blogs would know, I suppose. So, here goes:

10 Years Ago I:

• Taught high school English
• Lived near the beach in Southern California
• Was planning our December wedding
• Drove a black Chevy Cavalier that was completely paid for
• Still got perms

5 Things on Today's "To-Do" List:

• Email tonight's lesson plan to Meryl
• Meet with Maya's psychologist
• Snuggle and read books with Ava
• Decorate pumpkins with the girls
• Teach at Bet Shalom

5 Snacks I Enjoy:

• Honeycrisp apples
• Bagels
• Celery and peanut butter
• Bananas
• Popcorn

5 Things I Would Do If I Were a Millionaire:

• Hire an awesome nanny
• Pay off our mortgage
• Invest in the girls' educations
• Travel
• Donate to worthy causes

5 Places I Have Lived:

• Illinois
• Iowa
• Arizona
• California
• Minnesota

5 Jobs I Have Had:

• Waitress (my least favorite)
• Bank Teller
• Childcare provider
• Teacher/Tutor
• Wife/Mother/CEO of Household (my most favorite)

The rules say I have to tag 5 people. Well, I don't know 5 bloggers to tag, but I will tag the ones I know who most likely haven't done this yet:

• Amy D.
• JoBeth S.
• Jodi W.

Conversation Starters

Quote of the Day - "In order to have joy, one must share it."

We have a bin of "conversation starters" that we sometimes use to spark discussion at the dinner table. The other night, Maya picked one out and read me the question: "What is the best part about being the age you are? The worst part?" Well, the best part was easy to answer--I have everything I have ever dreamed of having at this stage of my life: a great husband, two adorable, healthy, and happy girls, a comfortable lifestyle without financial hardships, good friends, a great family, and a great community. I am healthy--mentally and physically. And I appreciate all these things even more because I haven't always had them. So, what's the worst thing about being 36? The only thing I can think of is that it won't last forever....that one day I will be looking at my grown children and wishing, if only for a moment, that I might be able to cuddle with them as little ones once again. Yep, this is a great time of life, and I am lucky enough to know it now, while it is happening!

Cute Composer's Curtsy

I set the keyboard up in the play area again last week. It used to be in the play area in AZ, but the girls had gotten bored with it, so I decided to conserve space and keep it packed up from the move. I brought it out again so the babysitter could play songs for the girls, and now it is a favorite toy once again! I was getting dinner ready when I saw Ava "composing" a cute little rendition, so I grabbed my camera and captured this:

Quote of the Day:

"The more I encourage a child to think for himself, the more he will care what I think."
— Unknown

Saying Good-bye to Summer

Wow, it's been over a week since I have posted. During that time, I have had several ideas for some good blog entries, but no time to write them! So, a summary of highlights will have to suffice.

Here are some things I have learned during the past week:

1. Waking up to your dog throwing up, then topping it off with some bloody diarrhea, can change your plans for the entire day. (It could also have wreaked havoc on the brand-new, three-week- old carpeting downstairs, but, mercifully, the carpet was spared in the nick of time.)

2. A clothes dryer that takes 4 cycles to dry a load can really set a family of four back on laundry upkeep. Having the repair service tell you they can't see you for another 4 days sets you back even further.

3. Birthdays are fun, no matter what your age!

4. The students on my roster for 9th grade Religious School were all born the year I graduated from college. (But, birthdays are still fun, even when you are as old as I am!)

Happy Birthday to me, I'm 33 + 3!

Here is my mug shot for year #36, taken on my birthday in Uptown, where Mike and I went to celebrate. We went to Stella's Fish Cafe for dinner, then headed over to Comedy Sportz for some good laughs. It was a beautiful night. A great way to end one year and begin another.

And, this week, we all began yet another school year. So far, Maya LOVES first grade Spanish Immersion with Senora Gong. Her only disappointment is that she doesn't have any homework yet (except for daily reading, which she claims "doesn't count" as homework.) Here she is getting on the bus Tuesday morning, her first day of first grade. Ava was sad that she couldn't join her sister on the bus, but she was happy to see all of her friends again in the 3's class at Shalom Yeladim Preschool. She surprised us all by using the potty at school on the very first day. When I picked her up, here diaper was still dry. Yesterday, she kept her panties dry ALL DAY....I did not change one diaper! She even went at the neighbor's house a couple of times when we were over there playing...and she was the one who took the initiative to tell me she had to go. So I think we are turning a corner with the potty training. She has yet to poop on the potty, but I am hoping that will happen soon, and when it does, she will be amply rewarded for her efforts. Here she is seen on her way to Shalom Yeladim in her new tights and dress! And, while I don't have a picture of me on my first night of teaching Religious School, I will say that it went fairly well, as far as first nights go. (I have to gain their respect before I can let loose a little.) But, overall I think I have a good group of kids, and I am looking forward to a fun and productive year. So, we are all off to the races for the 2008-09 school year. Let the games begin!

Guilty!

About a year ago, Mike and I signed up for a trial of James Lehman's Total Transformation program to help us deal with Maya's behavior. While we got some ideas from it, we felt that the techniques were more suited for teenagers than a 5-6 year old. So, we returned it after the 30-day trial period, but continue to get the free emails with advice articles. Click here to read the one I read today. It pretty much describes one of the ways I dealt with Maya's disrespectful nature yesterday. And I knew when I was doing it that it probably wouldn't help, but I literally was at the end of my rope and couldn't think any clearer in the moment.

Well, contrary to what the article says, Maya did feel badly about how she behaved towards me yesterday. She woke up this morning and did everything I expect of her without being told--including her 30 minutes of reading and Summer Bridges activities. She was clearly contrite.

Of course, this doesn't mean I will use this technique again. In writing this I am vowing that, even in my weakest moment, I will do my best not to personalize my child's behavior. But, apparently, I got lucky this time--the "Parenting Police" let me go with a warning instead of a ticket.

Lady Luck

Maya's record for winning tickets through the Hennepin County Libraries is now 3-0. Last year, she won tickets to the State Fair. She also won a free book for a book report that she wrote. This year, she won State Fair tickets once again, followed by a family of four pack of tickets to a Twins game....and, yet another book for a book report she wrote.

On Sunday, we took the train to the Metrodome to see the Twins play the Mariners. Since we hadn't paid for our 4 tickets at $30 each, we didn't feel badly spending money on snacks to keep the kids occupied.

Hotdog - $3.50

Popcorn - $4.00

Lemonade - $4.00

Snow Cone - $4.00 (It's ice, for goodness sakes!)

Having your daughter tell you that she thinks baseball is boring - PRICELESS

Maybe next time, we will bring her a book to read (from the library, of course!)

Changes on the Horizon

The Bellowe household is currently undergoing many changes. As we gear up for a new school year (which, for me, a former "school girl" and teacher born on August 30, is when life truly begins), I thought I would make note of the transformations that I am witnessing amongst us.

I'll start with Mike. In late spring, he climbed up another rung of the proverbial corporate ladder to head up a division of the Education side of Pearson. He loves what he does, as he always has during the past 4 years he has been with Pearson, and the transition has gone smoothly. There is, however, one downside--travel. As it turns out, Pearson recently acquired a division of Harcourt, and, consequently, more than half of the people he now manages are based in the San Antonio office. Some Pearson employees were required to move to San Antonio. Well, Pearson just relocated us here to the Twin Cities a year ago from Phoenix. We are finally settled into our lives here and are not willing to move again. So, Mike now travels to San Antonio every other week to work out of that office. He leaves on Monday and comes home late Thursday. It is already starting to get old, but we are hoping that he will rack up enough frequent flyer miles to get us out of here to somewhere warm during month #4 of our next L-O-N-G Minnesota winter.

Next, there's me. First of all, I am now a single parent every other week. It can get lonely at times after the kids are in bed, but a good book or the Internet usually solve that problem pretty well. Mostly, I am sad for the girls when they say, "Where's Daddy?" or "When is Daddy coming home?" or "He is going to Texas AGAIN?!" It is so cute listening to them talk to him on the phone, though. (Maya typically goes into great detail about what she did all day, and Ava listens to what Maya says and repeats it.) Secondly, I will be teaching 9th grade Religious School at Bet Shalom starting Sept. 3. I am excited about this opportunity, though a bit frustrated at the moment because, when I agreed to do it, I didn't know Michael would be traveling like he is. Now I am going to have to find a sitter for the every other Wednesday night that he is gone. But, I suppose this is a small price to pay for the benefits it will provide, which include, but are not limited to: (1) Being a more integral part of the temple community (2) Learning more about Judaism through teaching (3)Having my daughters (mainly Maya at this point) see me in another role, serving the community (4) Keeping myself involved, on some level, with the field of Education (5) Working with children of different ages than my own so I can more fully appreciate what each stage has to offer. Wish me luck!

Now for Maya. She has had a fun and busy summer and is MOSTLY excited to start first grade. The only concern she has expressed to me so far is that she knows she won't have as long of a lunch this year as she did in kindergarten, and she hopes she has enough time to eat as well as talk with her friends. However, the up side, she tells me, is the fact that first graders get to eat before kindergarteners do. She just got her hair cut shorter, which she loves. We think it makes her look older, which is good, as she hasn't grown much over the summer (for the record, she is 40 pounds and 41 inches....still!), and she really gets mad when people guess that she is 4 years old. ("I am SIX and a HALF!" she adamantly corrects them.) Poor kid doesn't stand a chance with her Polish/Jewish genes, but we keep telling her that good things come in small packages. Hopefully someday she will agree. During the past week, she has made some significant strides in dealing with her anxiety, thanks to Dr. Ann Layne. The University of Minnesota, where Maya received her official diagnosis, referred us to Dr. Layne back in March, but we were on a waiting list until last week, as she wasn't seeing new patients. All we can say is - WOW - what difference the right therapist and techniques can make. In just two sessions, she has accomplished more than we have in months exploring other avenues. THANK GOD. And an added benefit is that Dr. Layne's parenting techniques to support Maya's progress are ones we have been implementing for years now. So, we feel validated that we are on the right track, and are just thankful that Maya is finally in a place where she can learn to help herself more, and is willing to do so. It feels like we have turned a corner and are moving in the right direction...(I type this as I breathe a sigh of relief while I simultaneously cross my fingers and say a little prayer!) She is a special kid who has so much to offer. Once she gets past her stumbling blocks, she will have the world at her feet. We love her so much and will do whatever it takes to help her find her way.

Last, but certainly not least, comes Ava. Happy as always, she is talking up a storm these days, assuming her sister lets her get a word in edgewise. She loves going to the lake or pool and has become quite a fish this summer. We will continue with swim lessons this fall to keep her progressing in this area. She is finally showing interest in using the potty, so we might be saying good-bye to diapers by her third birthday after all (more prayers and fingers crossed on that one, too!) Tonight marks her first night sleeping in her toddler bed. Here is a picture of her trying it out for size yesterday. While she would probably be content to sleep in a crib until she is ten, she has to move on at some point, and we felt now is as good a time as any. She starts preschool next month at Shalom Yeladim, where she has already made a lot of friends. She loves to cuddle and read books, do puzzles, draw, dance, and play school with her sister. Her smile lights up a room, and she brings so much joy to our lives.

So, that about sums up where we all are at as we gear up for the 2008-2009 school year. With enough love and prayer, it's bound to be a great one!

A Time To Celebrate

July 4th also marked the 10-year anniversary of the night Michael proposed to me. He took me out on a Hornblower dinner cruise in San Diego Harbor. When the fireworks started shooting over the bay, he got out the ring and asked me to marry him. I was completely taken off guard, but of course said YES, and the rest, as they say, is history. A couple weeks later, when he turned 30, I surprised him with a singing telegram at our favorite bar in Pacific Beach, PB Bar and Grill. Oh, those were some good times! Now, here we are, ten years, 2 kids, 4 cities and 4 houses later, still having great times. What an amazing journey it has been! So, to celebrate, we headed off to Sandals Dunn's River Villagio Resort, leaving the kids behind to have fun with Nana and Grandpa Bob, who hadn't seen them in a year and were excited to spend some quality time with them. It was a win-win situation.
We had some great couple time for a week, kayaking, snorkeling, tubing down the White River, and climbing the Dunn's River Falls, which was absolutely amazing! We also spent a lot of time on the beach, just lying around doing nothing. We had candlelit dinners by the beach. We read books for pure enjoyment, and we didn't once think about ways to improve our parenting skills. Watching many young couples enjoying their honeymoons, some getting married right before our eyes on the beach, took us back to when our love was new. Was it really ten years ago? In many ways, it seems like it happened in the blink of an eye. I don't feel any older, and I hope I will be able to say the same in another ten years. All in all, the trip was a great way to refresh ourselves and begin another adventurous decade together. We will always remember the beauty of Jamaica as a great backdrop for fun and romance. (If you are interested in seeing more pictures from our trip to paradise, you can click here.)

4th of July in Deephaven, MN

(Okay, I know I am 24 days late with this entry, but life has been busy, and I was out of the country for 8 days, so please cut me some slack!)

4th of July in Deephaven, MN looks a lot like a Norman Rockwell painting. Biking into Cottagewood, one could easily mistake the year for 1920, 1930, 1940, 1950....pick your favorite decade from the past. Whatever the year, it is a great place to be in the summer, and especially on July 4th.

We began getting ready for the festivities on July 3rd by decorating the wagon and Maya's bike for the parade. We learned that threading crepe paper through bicycle spokes is harder and takes longer than one might think! But, it was a labor of love, and a small price to pay to celebrate the freedom we have in this country. On July 4th, we were up bright and early to take the trail into Cottagewood for the parade. Ava took a seat in the wagon while Maya pedaled proudly through the entire parade. At the end of the parade, all kids received a patriotic "bomb" pop before heading over to the town square for fun, games, and food. After dunking one of her classmates in the dunk tank and getting her face painted, Maya was ready to chow down on an All-American meal of hotdog and chips. Then, it was time to head home and rest up for the fireworks....which were about 9 hours away! What to do? Well, the girls and I stayed cool inside for awhile watching Disney's Enchanted while Daddy played Scrabble on the computer. Then, it was fun in the sun again outside on the slip-n-slide and in the kiddie pool. Next, we grilled out for dinner and waited for it to get dark....which, in Minnesota this time of year, isn't until about 9 pm. Well, that was going to be too late for little Ava, and Daddy wasn't feeling well, so they stayed home, and Maya and I headed over to a friend's house in Cottagewood. We hooked up with some people with a house on the lake (Lake Minnetonka, that is, not to be confused with any of the other 9,999 lakes in Minnesota), and were able to watch the fireworks over the lake from their lawn right in front of the docks. It was a beautiful night....cool, clear, and no mosquitoes...the perfect ending to a fun and memorable day.

"Mommy pway wittle people with Ava....pwease!!!!"

This is a phrase I hear several times daily lately. Ava LOVES playing with Fisher Price Little People. She can entertain herself for hours at a time with these toys. They usually stay in the play area, with the occasional bus ride to Maya's room, but have recently ventured outside to the deck and play structure (my idea....hey, I am determined to enjoy nice weather while we have it here in Minnesota!) Whenever I sit down to "pway wittle people," the scenario "pways" out as follows:

1. Ava puts me in charge of the Mommy and baby inside the house.

2. She gathers the rest of the people and begins having them knock on the door, one by one.

3. My job is to take the Mommy and have her look out the window and say, "Who is it?" to which Ava replies, "It's a monster!"

4. I must have the Mommy scream now, and call the police on the phone.

5. Ava laughs while saying, "Just kidding! It's just me!" Then I am supposed to let her character in the door and offer her a snack and some lemonade from the fridge.

This goes on until all of the characters are sitting around the table in front of the kitchen. Then we disassemble and start over, usually. Or, it might be time for a bus ride or trip to the ferris wheel....at which point the plot thickens! As there aren't enough seats on the ferris wheel for all of the characters to ride at once, they have to take turns. It can be a long and tedious process before everyone has had a fair ride (pun not intended; even I will admit it is a bad one!) Then, it's everyone back onto the bus for the ride home. And the wheels on the bus go round and round....all through the house!